Handling a difficult manager professionally means protecting your own wellbeing and career while keeping your options open — because how you respond matters as much as what is happening to you.
What counts as a "difficult manager" versus a real workplace problem?
Difficult managers come in many forms: micromanagers, poor communicators, those who take credit for your work, or those who are simply inconsistent. These situations are frustrating but often manageable with the right approach. A different category — bullying, harassment, or discrimination — crosses into legal territory. If you believe you are experiencing either of the latter, Employment New Zealand has clear guidance on personal grievances and your rights.
Source: Personal grievances — Employment New Zealand
How should you approach the conversation with your manager?
Most difficult manager situations improve or deteriorate based on whether a direct, calm conversation happens early. Before that conversation:
- Write down specific examples of the behaviour, with dates and context
- Separate the behaviour from the person — focus on impact, not character
- Choose a neutral time and private setting, not the end of a stressful day
- Use "I" statements: "I find it hard to do my best work when priorities change without notice"
- Listen to their response before deciding on next steps
- Follow up the conversation with a brief email summarising what was discussed
That last point is important. A written record protects you if things escalate later.
What if the direct conversation does not work?
If speaking to your manager does not improve things, your next step is usually HR or a more senior leader. Before you go there, make sure you have documented your attempts to resolve the issue directly. Most NZ employers have an internal complaints or concerns process — check your employment agreement or staff handbook.
If internal processes fail, Employment New Zealand outlines formal options including mediation and personal grievances. These exist to protect employees, and using them is a legitimate right, not an escalation to be afraid of.
Source: Resolving problems — Employment New Zealand
When should you start thinking about leaving?
Staying in a role with a genuinely harmful manager can affect your health, confidence, and long-term career. If you have tried to address the issue through appropriate channels and nothing has changed, it is reasonable to consider your options. That does not mean quitting immediately — it means making a clear-eyed decision about whether the role still serves you.
Asking yourself a structured set of questions can help: Is this fixable? Is the rest of the role worth staying for? What would need to change for this to be acceptable? A career health check can help you work through that thinking honestly.
Frequently asked questions
Can a NZ employer dismiss you for raising concerns about a manager?
Dismissing an employee for raising a legitimate workplace concern could constitute a personal grievance under NZ employment law. If this happens to you, seek advice from Employment New Zealand or a union promptly.
Should you keep records of difficult manager behaviour in NZ?
Yes. Keep a private log of dates, what was said or done, and any witnesses. Do not store it on work systems. This documentation is valuable if you need to raise a formal complaint or personal grievance.
What is a personal grievance in NZ?
A personal grievance is a formal complaint an employee can raise if they believe they have been unjustifiably disadvantaged or dismissed. There is a time limit from the date of the action to raise it — check Employment New Zealand for the current timeframe and full process.
Source: Personal grievances — Employment New Zealand
What if my difficult manager is also my only referee?
This is common and manageable. Build relationships with other senior colleagues now so you have alternative referees when you need them. A peer, a client, or a previous manager from an earlier role are all valid options.
Is it worth trying to fix the relationship before leaving?
Usually yes — at least once. Most difficult manager situations are not malicious; they are mismatched communication styles or unspoken expectations. One honest conversation, handled calmly, resolves more than people expect.
If you are weighing up whether to stay or go, the free Should I Stay or Go? tool walks you through a structured career health check so you can make the decision with clarity rather than frustration.